Hiding More Than The Truth
by car0line
Summary: Ever since being resucued from Privet Drive, Dudley has began to question everything he thought he once knew. Regret, Remorse And The Hamster Formerly Known As Vernon Dursley.........First Fic ever, so R&R so, even though its an unpopular topic........
1. A Conversation To Remember

'Wow' thought Dudley as he sunk into his bed. 'And all this time I thought he was a slimy little git.' He look out window to see snow swirling down and had a tiny thought as to it being New Years the next day but wasn't as excited as he normally would have been. He had just over heard a rather disturbing conversation between a few members of the Order of the Phoenix while he was going to the loo.

"..stupid muggles. I wouldn't even bother hiding them if they weren't his only family. We should just ship them off to Azkaban!" Spat Dedulas Diggle.

"Yes well Harry may hate them but the last thing he needs is more people dying on him. I'm truly amazed that he hasn't cracked yet. Everyone he loves is slowly being picked off by the death eaters and he feels helpless, and sometimes responsible. Lily and James, Cedric Diggory, Sirius and then Albus. Even his owl was killed in the chase when we were picking him up. He can't take much more" sighed the other one. Dudley couldn't quite remember the name but he thought it was something along the lines of Raymond or Rufus.

"Yes well Harry is the only reason I'm doing this, Remus. His uncle's a prat, his aunt's snob and his cousin is a great bullying git. We tried to be pleasant to them but they just turn up their noses and make snide remarks. If I had a knut for every time I heard them referring to wizards as '_that_ lot' or a 'ruddy bunch of nutters' I'd have more gold than in all of Gringotts!" he exclaimed angrily.

"Still no sign of him yet, Remus?" said the only woman there, Hestia Jones. She was forcedly polite to them but was extremely unsuccessful in hiding her hatred for his whole family. Dudley often heard her muttering 'Its for Harry', under her breath after his parents made their opinion of magical people quite clear.

"No, but I'm sure he's still alive. I know Albus left him a mission, and he's got Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger with him and I know he's got his wits about him. The wizarding world is in his hands, and I know they are capable. If Harry is at all underestimating what he is up against, which I sincerely doubt, then Hermione at least will know what's going. Never misses a trick that one." Remus attempted a smile but it turned into more of a grimace.

"He's out they're trying to fight He Who Must Not Be named with a couple of _teenagers?_" asked Hestia, shocked. She looked as though she might burst into tears.

"Surely not, Remus!" squealed Dedulas.

"I offered to go with them, but they wouldn't hear of it. Apparently Albus' mission is top secret, none of the Order know. And they didn't want me to leave behind Tonks now that we're expecting. I tried to talk them into it but they seem to think they can manage with me." Dudley thought he heard a trace of bitterness in Remus' voice but was sure he imagined it.

"Well, our thoughts go with them. How is Tonks doing by the way? She must be getting big now.." Said Hestia and the conversation turned to this Tonks person.

Dudley was fine with this. He had heard more than he imagined possible and this new information was disturbing and hit quite close to home. He couldn't help but feel disconcerted. These people idolized Harry; the fate of their people rested on his shoulders.

He found this all quite unsettling especially since his parents had instilled in him a hatred for Harry and anything else that was not what they considered normal. He thought they must have under estimated his worth because surely they would have treated him better if they had known his importance to these people. The existence of their people was in his hands!

Deep down, he was reluctant to admit that he knew he was wrong. He knew his parents knew perfectly well what Harry was. It was in the letter that came with him. The most utterly terrible part of it all was that his parents knew and didn't care. They didn't give a damn whether he lived or died; or any of the rest of these people.

'We'd all be better off to stamp the whole lot of 'em out, you'll get nothin' but trouble with _this_ lot.' That's what his father had said nearly every single day since the Dursley family had went into hiding with Dedulas Diggle and Hestia Jones nearly six moths ago, and his mother always nodded her head in vigorous agreement.

Dudley wasn't sure what the feeling was that kept hitting the bottom of his stomach. It came in pangs, whenever he thought of Harry's name or of his parents supremacist ways.

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"Tonight on Potterwatch we have Rodent, Rapier, Royal and of course, myself, River. It'll be a short but sweet programme tonight folks. But the biggest, and best news we've had to report since beginning months ago and what I am sure everyone has been hoping to hear has happened. Harry Potter has been confirmed alive!" said the announcer sounding as though he'd just won the lottery.

Dudley was sitting in the kitchen of their safe house, not having a clue as to where it was, or how far away Privet Drive from it was. He was amazed as to the profound effect these words had upon everyone who heard them; Hestia Jones burst into tears, as did Dedulas Diggle; His father began to seethe and slowly turned purple; He thought his mother looked relieved for a moment, but if she did, she quickly disguised it with the usual look of distaste some one got when they started describing what happened to them while going to the loo at a dinner party; and Dudley himself slopped milk all down his front as he grinned broadly. Then quiet fell as a slow, deep voice start to speak in soothing tones, and Dudley found if vaguely familiar.

"..currently staying at the house of a member of the Order, Harry along with Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger are all safe and sound according to our extremely reliable sources. Harry, Ron and Hermione showed up with 4 others whom I am sure everyone will be pleased to hear are safe and sound: Mr. Ollivander the wandmaker, Luna Lovegood, Dean Thomas and Griphook the Goblin. Reports are coming in that the Death Eaters have felt their master's wrath and are frantically searching houses on the off chance that they group may be hiding there with as usual, no regard for innocent lives. People are warned to try to cooperate as much as possible because.." But his voice was drowned out from the chatter that started up.

"Oh thank heavens! I've not been able to think about anything but Harry since Remus was here months ago!"

"Bless his little soul, he must've been caught to have rescued Ollivander, You-Know-Who took him months ago. And Lovegood and Thomas must have been captured as well!"

"Oh my I wonder if Elphias knows—" Hestia was cut off as Uncle Vernon started to speak loudly to his wife.

"Oh the ingrateful little buggers alive Petunia, dear. I wonder when he'll come apologize for coming and putting us in this ruddy hell hole. I've half a mind to—" but what Vernon had half a mind to do, Dudley had no idea because Hestia Jones started shouting.

"YOU DARE CALL HARRY POTTER UNGRATEFUL? YOU'RE THE UNGRATEFUL ONE YOU FAT UGLY MUGGLE! HARRY POTTER IS THE REASON YOU LOT HAVEN'T BEEN SHIPPED OFF TO AZKABAN YET! IF HARRY DIDN'T WANT YOU PROTECTED YOU'D BE ON YOUR OWN, AND THEY'VE ALREADY BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU! YOUR HOUSE WAS BROKEN INTO AND SEARCHED 3 DAYS AFTER YOU LEFT!" she said, a look of the utmost loathing on her face as she caught her breath and prepared to start again.

"YOU AND YOUR SNOBBY WIFE ACT ALL HIGH AND MIGHTY WHILE YOUR NEPHEW IS OUT THERE RISKING HIS NECK TO SAVE THE LIVES OF TENS OF THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE TURNED INTO A HAMSTER THEN I SUGGEST WE GET ONE THING STARIGHT. WE—WILL—NOT—HEAR—ONE—WORD—AGAINST—HARRY—POTTER!"

Dudley was shocked. No one had ever spoken to his father like that. He was terrified, at everyone's reaction. His father and mother would rage, and possibly try to take them out of hiding which by the sounds of it could kill them all; and the witch would turn them into hamsters. To his relief, all fell silent and all that could be heard was the end of the programme.

"..all in all ladies and gents, if the Chief Death Eater was abroad he sure as hell isn't now. Horrible as it is, it's a small price to pay to find out the Boy Who Lived title is not up for grabs. For all of you who did not know, The Chief Death Eater can fly, we've known this for months. So if you see some one flying through the sky with no broomstick the cast the Disallusion Charm on your self and everyone around you _as quick as you can_; and everyone take ten paces out from where they are incase you were spotted, that way if you were seen then You-Know-Who can _avada kedavra_ some bushes and pebbles. That's all for tonight. We should be able to make it back on the air within the week so check those dials 'round 9-ish. Next password will be Grimmauld. Long Live Harry Potter!"

At these words the radio shut off. The scene tension that had evaporated when everyone was listening to the programme had come back at record speed and made the air feel as though it was cement-laden.

"Petunia, Dudders; bed, NOW!"

"I'm not tired." The words had come out of Dudley's mouth before they were fully formed in his mind.

"Diddykins, listen to your father." His mother was trying to mask her frustration that Dudley would not listen, but failing miserably.

"No, I'm staying down here. I'm not going to bed. I'm staying to read the paper."

He added that last bit because he didn't really have a reason to defy his parents wishes, but felt he didn't need one at the moment.

"Dudley you should not be in present company for longer that needed. We wouldn't want to wear out our welcome now would we?" said Petunia in a sugary sweet voice that as complimented by the poisonous glare in her eyes.

"Don't tell me you're turning into some nancy boy feeling sorry for the Potter freak." Spat his father. A section of his neck seem to pulsate slightly, and though Dudley expected it was a throbbing vein, it was masked by a layer of fat.

"He's not a freak. He's just… just different is all." Said Dudley timidly. He was starting to lose his nerve. They sat in silence for a moment before his father exploded.

"HE'S A FREAK! AN ABNORMALITY! A GENETIC MISTAKE! SOMETHING WRONG WITH HIM AND YOU'VE KNOWN IT YOU WHOLE LIFE AND NOW YOU'VE BEEN AROUND THESE NUTTERS TOO LONG AND YOU'VE BEEN BRAINWASHED! THAT'S IT, WE'RE LEAVING PETUNIA! WE SHOULD NEVER HAVE ACCEPTED THEIR HELP, RUDDY CRAZY BUNCH OF FREAKS—" he finished his sentence, but not in English or any human language, for there on the ground where Vernon Dursley stood moments before. Was the fattest, ugliest hamster any of them had ever seen.


	2. Family Secrets

'Things are changing in our little hidey-hole,' thought Dudley, 'and I think its for the better.' He was watching his mother busily cleaning the cage and talking to the hamster on the table like a mad woman. He imagined how this sight would have startled all of his friends and suppressed a grin. He knew she was not crazy at all, because the hamster was his father. He wasn't happy that Hestia had turned his father into a hamster by any means, but it did lighten the mood considerably; his mother had the sense not to mouth off or she knew she'd join he husband in the cage.

"Maybe I was wrong about you after all boy," Hestia had said. It was the day after his father had the out burst that had lead to him becoming a hamster and Dudley was relieved to hear that she sounded like she had no intention of him meeting the same fate as his father. "you seem to have more sense than your parents. Knew you weren't as daft as them form the beginning though."

"Well after Harry saved me from the dementors I sorta had a glimpse of what its like being him. I mean that bloke who came and told him he was a wizard, he told Harry he was important but I dunno, I always thought he was exaggerating. The way my parents talked about him as a kid, I always thought he was some horrible freak," He regretted these words as soon as they slipped out. Hestia looked severely displeased at what he'd said so he quickly added, "but I know better now. He wouldn't have saved me if he was as horrible as I thought."

"Harry Potter is a marvelous boy. He will save us all, or die trying I fear. Before he brought He Who Must Not Be Named down for the first time—"

"Wait, when did that happen?"

"Did you not know of your cousins accomplishments? How he ended the first Wizarding War when he was merely an infant?" Hestia Jones seemed taken aback at finding a person of Dudley's age who did not know Harry Potter's story, especially one who lived with him for most of his life.

"Erm— no actually, my parents told me, and him that his parents died in a car accident. They said that's how he got his scar. He didn't even know it wasn't true until he went to school."

"Car accident? What the ruddy hell is... Oh never mind, I shouldn't try to fathom the delusional ways of muggles. But no, that is not how Lily and James Potter died. They died hero's deaths, the both of them. It was a horrible price to pay to end the war, such lovely people. Never a nicer girl then your Aunt Lily. And your Uncle James, oh he was a trouble maker, mischievous little devil. Not a day went by when he was in school that he didn't cause some sort of mayhem." She seemed happy to remember these people, but Dudley was uneasy; he had never heard anyone call Harry's parents his aunt and uncle.

"No, the circumstances of their death were mysterious. The war had been in full swing for years, people dying, muggles clueless as to what was actually happening, and it seemed that the war would never end. Around the time Harry was born, there was a prophesy made about him. It said that He Who Must Not Be Named would meet his match in Harry and that inevitably one would have to meet his death at the others hand. Naturally Dumbledore helped Lily and James go into hiding. They were protected by the Fidelius charm, which is a tricky it of magic where you conceal a piece of information, in this case the address of their home, in a living soul and that person will become their Secret Keeper. Even it you at standing in front of the house after the charm is cast you would not be able to see it until the Secret Keeper tells you its there, essentially giving you the secret. They were all for making Sirius Black, Harry's godfather and James best friend form school, their Secret Keeper but they decided on that pitiful little sneak Peter Pettigrew as a bluff. No one in their right minds would think they'd do that, making that poor excuse for a wizard anything close to as important as the Potter's Secrt Keeper, which is what made it seem like a good idea." She sighed and got a sad look in her eyes, as if she was reliving hard memories.

"So Pettigrew was made their Secret Keeper, and even that was a secret, Lily, James, Sirius and Pettigrew were the only ones who knew. Pettigrew turned out no to be such a loyal friend. He divulged the secret to He Who Must Not Be Named and ultimately signed the Potters death certificates. Then on Halloween he went after them. They say that James tried to hold him off but, it didn't matter, he still killed him all the same. Lily and young Harry were upstairs at the time. Lily died trying to protect Harry, died for Harry, and that is what saved him. When He Who Must Not Be Named tried to kill Harry, the curse rebounded back on him, and stripped him of him powers. He was less than a human but more than a ghost. Harry is the only person to ever known to have survived the killing curse. When Sirius discovered the scene, he knew what had happened and went looking for Pettigrew. After he found Pettigrew he was livid but right before he went to kill him, Pettigrew blasted off his finger behind his back, killing about twenty muggles, then transformed into a rat a scarpered. Since Sirius was the only one alive who knew what had actually happened to the Potters, and everyone believed him to be a raving lunatic who'd just sold out his best friend and his family, and then killed another one of his so called best friends along with twenty muggles no one was prepared to take his word for it. He was sent to Azkaban without a trial. He remained there for twelve years, haunted by the dementors until he escaped when his figured out where Pettigrew was hiding." Her eyes were now shining with tears. Dudley was appalled, he was starting to understand Harry's place in his world; he was their savior.

"That's how they died… I never thought it was so complicated." He said. He heard some sniffling over by the radio, and saw tears running down his mother face.

"That h-how she d-died?" said Petunia between sobs. The startled Dudley so much he nearly fell off of his chair. His mother was actually showing affection for her sister, her sister of whom he could count on one hand the number of times she had mentioned.

"Yes, that's how it happened. Their house, out in Godric's Hollow, remains there along with a statue of the three of them. Dumbledore thought it would be a good reminder as to what violence brings to people." Hestia was eyeing his mother suspiciously but sounded sympathetic anyway.

"O-Oh Lil-ly…" Petunia was moaning now. He had never seen her act in such a manner, it was unnerving. He went over to comfort her and laid an awkward hand on her back.

"It's okay mom, she's in a better place now." He had no idea what to say.

"Well, Lily and James' deaths and Harry's attempted murder ended the first Wizarding War. Now it's up to Harry to end the second one. He is our only chance, everyone else is gone. If he fails, I shudder to think what will happen to the world. You muggles will lose even more than the wizarding population, he's already making muggles miserable. If Harry dies.." She trailed off with a shudder, as if what would if Harry died was too terrible for her to say aloud.

"Harry knows what he's doing, I just know it. He's been saying the Lord person was back for years. And mum and dad kept getting letters while Harry was at school, telling them about all the times he nearly died but managed to get away. Some of that stuff sounded really dangerous, so if he could manage all that then he'll be able to beat this bloke." Dudley was trying to sound confident, much more confident than he felt. He knew some of Harry's accomplishments, but everything he knew paled in comparison to this man. He sounded scary, nothing a seventeen year old boy should face alone.

"Alas, we can only hope you are right. Young Harry is all we have." Hestia finished. By this time there were tears streaming down her face and she was wringing her hands. Dudley knew she was not exaggerating. Harry really was all they had.

"On this emergency episode of _Potterwatch_ it will be short and to the point. I know this is not our regular time, so I can only hope some of you are listening. If you've been hearing rumors that Harry Potter broke into Gringotts today, and escaped on a dragon, these are true. It seems the time has come for whatever Harry has been doing for the last year to come to an end. The Order of the Phoenix has alerted me that tonight is the night for battle. It's going down at Hogwarts folks. Alert all Potter supporter you can before you apparate to the Hogs Head Pub, it's the only way still into the school. Ladies and gentleman are warned that You-Know-Who is on the way to the school right now, so if you show up you are expected to fight to the death. We need all the help we can folks. Please no under aged witches or wizards, as all younger children are being evacuated as we speak. If I make it out alive I'll be sure to tell those of you who don't have the joy of giving the Death Eaters a piece of your mind the outcome of the battle as soon as I can. The password for that will be "Harry". My names Lee Jor— I mean River and I'm off to battle. See You There!"

"I am going to fight. Dedulas is going to stay here for the time being, until we can have some one stand in his place. I don't know how this battle will end, but hopefully we will come out on top. It was very nice to meet you all, but I must be going now. Good Day" Hestia said hurriedly. She was running around grabbing this that she thought she might need such as a cloak and various powders and such.

"Wait, aren't you coming back after this?" Dudley asked. He'd grown quite fond of Hestia and Dedulas in the previous months. They explained a lot of things to him about the wizarding world and he was becoming kind of jealous of Harry for getting to experience all of it.

"There's a good chance I'm not. Lee said that it was a fight to the death, and I will take as many Death Eaters with me if I have to. This night could end it all. After the battle is over I will be sure to come straight back here as soon as I can, but there is no telling what's in store for us tonight. Again, it was nice to meet you all. Dedulas I'll send word if we need help. Remember to check the radio every hour or so for news."

With that said she gave Dedulas a hug and walked out the door. Dudley slid into his chair, anxious already. 'What if she doesn't come back? What if Harry dies? What if I never get the chance to properly apoligizeto him for saving me? What if Dedulas leaves us and dad is stuck as a hamster forever?' Dudley's mind was racing. He was down right terrified. The seconds turned into minutes, and the minutes into hours before Dudley was jerked out of the trance he'd been in since Hestia left. A gigantic silver bear came bounding through the window. Dudley was frozen to his seat until he realized it was some sort of ghost, and it started to talk in Hestia's voice.

"The was is over, many have died. But we have won, Harry has killed Lord Voldemort." And with that, everyone in the room burst into tears.


	3. Turning The Tables

"So let me clarify this. Even though the war is over, and this Lord person is dead, we _still _cannot go back to our home? _Why not?_" Petunia seemed furious. It had been about three days since the war had ended and they still had not left their captive home.

"Madam Dursley, just because the war is over and Lord Voldemort has died, that does not mean the danger has passed! We may have reduced his forces but the most dangerous and vicious Death Eaters are still very much alive! They still pose just as much of a threat as ever before. Even more so now, they have no master left to serve or to contain them whatsoever. They act of their own accord. They want vengeance. And at any rate, we told you your house was broken into. We are almost certain that they have set traps there and it will take a few weeks before we can sort it all out." Hestias temper was risings as well. It was like watching two times bombs waiting to blow up.

"_A few weeks? _Why can it not be done sooner? We have been prisoners for a year now and we want to go home! They said my home was broken into days after we vacated it! Why has nothing been done yet?" She 'pulled a Vernon' and started to go purple in between all her sputtering and shouts. 'I wish she'd just shut up so we can find out what is actually going on. Stupid woman.' Dudley thought darkly.

"_Madam Dursley hold your tongue! _You know we sustained heavy losses that night our selves. Need I remind you that we just came out of a war! Your vacant house was hardly a thought in anyone's mind. Before anyone thinks of breaking curses on houses, or relocating those in hiding_ we intend to mourn our losses. _In the midst of the war, everyone of our fighters who was taken from us had to be pushed out of our minds, for the greater good. More important things had to be done. Now that the war is finished we will grieve accordingly! Now as I have told you, you will be leaving this house for another safe house. Your nephew has sportingly agreed to take you in until such time comes that your house becomes fit for inhabitance. You should be thankful we don't dump you on the streets. And if I hear a whisper of you acting less that gracious house guests then you'll join your husband in the cage!" Hestia's temper now matched that of the day she turned Vernon in to a hamster.

"Now gather your things. You'll be moving within the hour. _Quickly now!_" She spat. As she whirled away, her clock spun in a menacing way and Dudley knew better than to ask questions.

"Mum, lets just get ready. It'll just be easier. And maybe we can convince Harry to get something done about the house sooner!" He tried to sway his mother by showing her what she could personally gain form the situation, and saw her demeanor quickly change.

"Oh yes Diddykins, wonderful idea! Now mind you get it all, if you leave anything I doubt you'll ever see it again." She added darkly.

"Ahh, here we are. Number 12 Grimmauld Place. Mind we've had to go to a lot of trouble so that you lot would be able to see the place, used to have more muggle repelling charms than any other wizarding home in Britain. You can see the place alright, cant you?" Dedulas asked. Dudley did not know where they were, they had taken a port-key, which is something he knew he wasn't looking forward to doing again.

"Erm, yeah I can see it. Where are we exactly?" He asked sheepishly.

"London, of course. This is he house Harry inherited from his god father. Used to be headquarters, until Albus died that is. Now its all Harry's. Up we go now."

Dudley followed him up the stairs to the door. It had this enormously creepy knocker with a small but deadly look snake. After knocking with the knocker, he almost had a heart attack when he heard the faintest little hiss some form the knocker.

And then the door swung open and this ghastly little creature was standing in front of the. Dudley recognized it from when that old bloke told Harry about his inheritance. It had been kicking and screaming about 'not serving the Potter brat' on his living room floor almost two years previously. Never the less, it seemed to have changed it's personality since then because it gave them all a toothy grin.

"Mr. Diggle, these must be Master Harry's relatives? Yes, come in, come in. Kreacher will take your things to your rooms." After ushering them into the hall and looking at the number of visitors he seemed to notice that they were one short, "Does Master Harry not have an uncle coming as well? Kreacher was told to prepare for three guests, not two.

"Oh no, he is right over there Kreacher," said Hestia cheerfully as she gestured to the cage cradles in his mothers arms. "Got a bit out of hand, that one did." she added with a smirk.

"You will turn him back w-won't you? He can't stay like this forever! You said you would do it!" Sobbed his mother, hugging the cage where his hamster of a father was imprisoned.

"I'll leave it up to Harry, I daresay he will have something to say on the matter. And in any case the poor child could do with a laugh. Now remember this is a full out wizarding house, not like that squibs house we were staying in before. The house has hundred of years worth of magical heirlooms and instruments lying about, so do not touch anything. Things will be quite different from your muggle house. Things in here are enchanted, they can talk and many things in here can kill you. And I'd advise you to be quiet in the halls. You do not want to wake Mrs. Black up. She's a right foul cow, that one. Oh, remember the portraits can talk—" But she was cut off as a hearty laugh came from the wall, where a vaguely familiar young man with blazing red hair stood laughing with a handsome older man.

"Hello, Hello and welcome to Harry's house. I daresay you might remember me? In any case I'm Fred Weasley. I've met you all of course. Hi, Duddykins." The picture laughed out. With a pang of horror Dudley remembered; this was the one who had given him that awful candy while he was on his diet. It had made his tongue grow enormously.

"I re-remember y-ou" was all he could manage to say.

"So you're the muggles eh. I've been wanting to meet you for a long time. Sirius Black, Harry's convicted murderer of a god father. I'll be having words with you lot before you leave. I don't like the way you treated my god son over the years. I'll have none of your nonsense in my house at least." He looked angry but at the same time like he was having great fun. Then foot steps came from down the hall.

"Sirius who's here? Is it the Dursleys?" rang Harry's voice. Theer was something different about it. It was sort of deader, without much emotion. When Harry himself came into view his face matched his voice. He looked like he had lived an eternity in the year since they had last met. He looked even scrawnier than Dudley had ever seen him, with numerous cuts and wound all over his body. He seemed to be walking with a limp.

"Ahh... Welcome to my house. I hope you'll find yourselves at home, though I know you won't so let's forget the niceties. Wait, where's uncle Vernon?" he asked. It was the fisrt bit of emotion he'd allowed into his voice, surprised.

Hestia broke into a grin. "He's right there Harry, dear. In the cage." With this Harry, and the two men in the portraits roared with laughter until you could see tears even in the painted eyes Fred and Sirius.

"That's bloody brilliant. Hestia I might hazard a guess that this was your handiwork? How long's he been like this?" He asked, the grin still spread over his gaunt and scarred face.

"Oh since sometime mid March. You know how I won't hear a word against you, dear. He just said one too many stupid things and I figured this would solve my problem. And it did, much easier hiding muggles who are scarred out of their wits that they'll be turned into hamsters as well." She said mischievously. "But me and Dedulas will have to be off. We are meeting Kingsley in an hour to discuss some, er, funeral arrangements. Any specific things you'd like Fred?"

"Yes, on my head stone can you put here like Forge, the better half of Gred and Forge. I think George would find it hole-y amusing." Said Fred in a light and airy voice. "Ha-ha, I must admit, hole-y has grown on me somewhat." He added to Harry.

"Well I must say your mother may have different thoughts on the matter, but if I can wangle it, I'll try. Good bye Harry, stay in touch. If you need anything, just write!" She said, sweeping Harry into a great bear hug. Then she and Dedulas Diggle waved to Dudley and his mother and swept form the house without another word.

"Erm, right. So I'll show you around. Firstly, this is Kreacher, my house elf. He does the cooking and cleaning and can help you with your things. If he doesn't like what your doing to the house, he'll be at you with the frying pan. I've given him permission," he added, shooting Petunia a dark look as she squirmed uncomfortably under his gaze. She thrown frying pans at Harry numerous times throughout his childhood, often times for no good reason other than some half-assed lie Dudley himself had told to get him in trouble.

" Well kitchens in the basement, bathroom is through the portrait of the snake and the mouse. Don't look at it for too long or the snake takes a liking to you and follows you around. I can talk him into stopping, but when he follows, he really follows. Hours at a time. And don't go into any other rooms than that. You don't know what is there and I don't either. I haven't had much time to live here so I'm still exploring. Also you will not be the only guests staying here. The Weasleys will be in London for the funerals this week, they'll be staying here. Hermione owled me and said she's found her parents in Australia and they'll be along in a day or two, they just need to get their affairs in order. They'll only be staying here for a week or so, until the curses on their house can be broken. And before you ask, they get it first because they weren't insufferably annoying captives who complained the whole ruddy time and its much easier in their situation. They're muggles as well, dentists, the both of them, but you'll have nothing in common. They love that Hermione is a witch. Think magic is wonderful. Couldn't be prouder." He said in a low, dangerous voice. Dudley knew he was still resentful for all the times they had told him he was a freak for being a wizard.

"Are you hungry? Kreacher is just serving dinner. Mince-meat pies, roast duck, noodles, mashed potatoes, treacle tart, and some other things. He's an excellent cook, I can't watch him or I end up eating half the meal before its even done so I don't know what else is on the menu." He already sounded tired of their company and they hadn't said a word to him yet. Or maybe he was just tired in general.

"Could you turn Vernon back into a man? I'd like to seem him; he's been a hamster for months now. That _woman_ refused to turn him back until she saw fit. Please, Harry?" She added the last part when she noticed that Harry hardly seemed to care.

"Alright but if he starts to complain, I swear I'll put him back for good. You hear that uncle Vernon? My house, my rules. _Finite Incantatem" _and with a lazy wave of his wand, the cage and hamster vanished and Vernon Dursley was sprawled out on the floor looking much thinner and quite disheveled.

"_Its about ruddy time!_ Been a bloody hamster for months! That stupid cow—" his rant ended prematurely when he was interrupted

"Shut your trap unless you want to spend a few years in a cage. I'm not fussy, that cage was bigger for your fat little hamster self that that cupboard was for me." Harry snarled. This immediately put a look of pure horror on Vernon's face and he hurriedly hugged his wife and son, never taking his eyes off Harry.

"Now lets eat before dinner gets cold."


	4. Things That Never Change

Dinner was an interesting affair, to say the least. 'Well the conversations good, even if he barely acknowledges our presence. And its nice to have dad back. And I thought his godfather died, that's why he got this house? Maybe they get inheritances earlier? This place is cool though, food is excellent.' Dudley was deep in thought, but also listening keenly to the conversation going on around him. His mother and father were huddled at the table and eating tentatively, as if they would not put it past Harry to poison them. Harry on the other hand, was deep in conversation with some of his portraits. Dudley was finding everything about Harry's house magnificent, even though he hadn't really seen any of it.

"… and then when he started asking for identification I thought Hermione would have fainted, I mean since when the ruddy hell did Gringotts ask for identification, from Death Eaters no less? But Griphook was quick thinking and told me to put an Imperius Curse on Bogrod, which worked well enough. He was doing great until we came to the Thief's Downfall—"

"Thief's Downfall? What's that? My vault is right next to the Lestranges and there is only a Dragon down there. Or _was_ only a dragon, before you lot took care of that." Harry's god father looked extremely proud that his god son and his friends "took care" of a dragon.

"It washes away all concealment spells, like disillusionment charms, Imperius Curses and polyjuice potion. The cart threw us off the track and thankfully Hermione had her wits about her and cast a cushioning charm to break the fall but we were soaked. For a moment I thought it had washed away my invisibility cloak but it hadn't, thankfully. Then we heard the goblins coming and we knew we had to act fast. So then I re-did the Imperius Curse, and Hermione repaired the cart and got on our way to the vault. Thankfully we were only a short distance, away by this time."

"My god what I wouldn't have given for James, Remus and I to have had this kind of adventure in our school days. Honestly if you ever do anything like this again, you are bringing my portrait with you and strapping me to your chest. I want to be in on the action. No ifs, ands or buts about it, Harry" said his God Father again, in an amused, breathless voice.

"Speaking of my father, where the ruddy hell is he? Did you go check Hogwarts for them?"

"Yes, no sign of then there. Though its summer holidays, they normally only go there to talk to students and teachers. But remember they've got about a dozen portraits to choose from. They'll turn up. James was never one for being punctual. I remember one time in 5th year, he walked into Transfiguration about twenty minutes late, and this is Minerva McGonagall we're talking about and she asked him why he was late. You know what he said?" Sirius asked laughing.

"No, but I bet McGonagall skinned him alive." Harry sounded highly amused as well, but still looked sickly. The haunted looking in his eyes faded slightly to make away for the amusement in them.

"He said he was a hopeless case for transfiguration unless he got a proper bit of fresh air in between classes. Surprisingly enough McGonagall didn't really do anything. James was happy, showed up late every day for about a week. Then he stopped. One day it was raining out and he showed up on time and she commented on his punctuality. You know what she did then?"

"I think I have a bit of an idea.."

"Well I'm sure you guessed but she sent him out for a walk in the rain! Oh he came in soaked to the bone, teeth chattering, lips blue from the cold. Then she made him sit there, frozen to the spot while she gave her most painstakingly slow lecture on punctuality and its importance in life before she'd let him dry himself off. Oh he was never late for anything with her again, even after school. Not many of us had the gall to be after she made an example out of your dad. James has always been the kind of person that you invite to dinner at 7 on a Tuesday and he shows up for breakfast on Wednesday of the following week!" He was grinning ear to ear while Harry, Fred Weasley and several other portraits roared with laughter. Then a small squeak came form the other end of the table.

"E-excuse m-me. D-did you j-just say Harry's father was s-supposed to come to d-dinner?" Petunia stammered, a look of the utmost horror on her suddenly pale face. Dudley shared his mother confusion at how Harry's _dead_ father would make it for dinner.

"Oh, uh yeah. Wizarding portraits are all of dead people, and they can talk and such as if they never died. They still remember things. My parents have had most of their portrits done recently, because after we found one, its much easier to duplicate it." Said Harry in a mild voice, as if anyone's dead parents could stroll into dinner.

"Yes Lily and James like to stop by the house a few times a day, check up on Harry, make sure that there are no stupid muggles around to bother him. They have portraits all over the country so you never know where they are. They may be dead, but so is everyone else in the portraits. Fred, Great Uncle Alfond, Cousin Sephora and myself. The empty ones just mean that who ever owns the portrait is off in one of their other portraits or is visiting another portrait in the house. That one above the fireplace is Lily and James'. Then we have Remus Lupin, who is also a dear friend of mine who happens to be a werewolf, and his wife Tonks. Albus Dumbledore, but you've met him, he's been arranging Harry's life from the start. Cedric Diggory, died in the Triwizard Championship a few years ago. Him and Harry were the Hogwarts champions. Severus Snape—"

"_Did you just say Severus Snape?_" Petunia whispered in a hoarse whisper. This was like the time she knew about those dementor things that attacked him, even though she had always stated that she detested magic. Dudley figured he took his mother knew a hell of a lot more about the wizarding world than she chose to let on.

"Oh yeah, Professor Snape's a hero. I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for him, all around. I take it you remember him Aunt Petunia?" asked Harry in a mocking tone.

"He told you we'd met? Well it certainly did help to open my eyes to the horrifying.." she trailed off at the half dozen angry glares that were aimed at her, Dudley's included.

"He didn't tell me a damn thing. Saw it in his memories. You'd have got on well with Professor Snape if he wasn't a wizard. Hated every bone in my body. Saved my tail more times than I can count, but hated me all the same. He may have thought the world of my mum, but he didn't think my dad was worth a damn either." He added to Uncle Vernon who continued to pick at his noodles. Then a deep, sneering voice drawled into the room, coming from a portrait of a man with long black hair, a hook nose and the most fearsome scowl on his face that Dudley had ever seen.

"Lily and James wished me to inform you that they are tied up in an important meeting at the ministry, and – _ahhhh.. _Harry why didn't you inform me that you had _guests_?" said the portrait deviously. Dudley was already terrified of the man.

"Professor Snape were your ears burning? I swear we were just on about your dashing new hair cut! And you simply must be using—"

"Mr. Weasley if I ever find a way to hex the dead while I myself am deceased, you shall be first on my list. I shudder to think of the irritation I will face when I am forced to be in the same room as you and you twin again. Petunia, how nice to see you again. I daresay you are enjoying your magical company?" he said in a cold voice, the malice and cold hearted hate evident even on the canvas.

"_This is all your fault! Its you fault Lily was a witch, it's your fault she went traipsing off to that freak school and it's your fault she got herself killed and I got stuck with _him!" shrieked Petunia in her shrill voice, nodding her head at Harry. Dudley was dumbfounded. The way she was talking you'd think she actually liked her sister, missed her even; she was talking like she hadn't made it crystal clear that her sister was a "no-good freak" for Dudley's entire life. The man in the picture looked taken aback for a moment before regaining his composure.

"Shut up. Shut up, Shut up, SHUT UP! How dare you speak to him like that! You have no idea what your talking about. Why are you all of the sudden so interested in what happened to my mother? Didn't even care enough about it to tell me the damn truth the whole ten years I lived with you. You're horrible! Snape did more for me than you even did! You'll not speak to him in that manner or you'll be the next one turned into a hamster!" Harry was screaming and pointing his wand at Petunia. He looked angrier than he'd ever had the entire time Dudley had known him, and Dudley had seen Harry angry plenty of times the last few years.

"Well said Mr. Potter. I do not deny that it was my fault Lily was killed, but it was not my fault that she was a witch you stupid muggle. She died for the same cause that Myself, Black, Lupin, Tonks, Weasley and thousands of others did; though it may be some consolation to you that we had the same killer. We all died so that others may live, I would not expect your pathetic muggle brain to comprehend _that_." He spat, looking at Petunia with a look normally reserved for murderers and rapists. "And what was that about a hamster?" he added, looking at Harry.

"My fat-headed uncle mouthed off to Hestia one to many times while she was _helping to protect him and his family!_ And then he spent a few months as a hamster. I stupidly changed him back when they arrived. Though I can easily remedy that. Now get out of my sight so I can have a _civilized conversation_!" Harry glared Dudley's parents, his chest heaving. They ran to the room Kreacher had shown them earlier, and as soon as the door slammed, a dragging noise as if they were attempting to barricade the door.

"Stupid Muggles. Your a better man than I am Harry, I'd of killed the lot of them as soon as I came of age. No offense Diddykins, I kinda see that your not as big a prat as you used to be." Fred Weasley said angrily.

"Fred its 8, you should be getting back to The Burrow for dinner. If you wouldn't mind, could you pop in later and tell me what time they're coming tomorrow? I want to make sure I've got all the rooms made up. Oh, and be sure to tell Ron that Hermione should arrive here some time in the night; I expect that he'll be waiting on my doorstep by dawn. You were saying, Professor?" Harry was in a much more pleasant mood now. Dudley was going to talk sense into his parents or he might end up being the son of hamsters forever.

"Your parents are in a meeting tonight, I expect you know the one. Your mother said they probably won't be out before 11, and she won't come by because she expects you to get good nights sleep. She wants you in bed by 10:30 at the latest. No doubt she knows you've inherited your fathers knack for getting into trouble well past the time you should be in bed. Does she know of your _visitors?_" The man asked. 'He's one of Harry's _teachers?_ Maybe Harry really did get beaten at school. That must have been horrible, being taught by this man.' Dudley darkly thought.

"No I thought I'd leave that a surprise. My dad knows though, he was going to scare uncle Vernon in the loo one day 'cause I told him he was such a prat. Honestly, though. My mother must be 'round the bend. I'll be 18 in a month and she _still _thinks I should have a bed time? I mean, I could understand if she was like your age or something. But she died when she was _twenty-one_. She's only 3 years older than I am!" Harry said indignantly as the portraits laughed at this. Harry laughed with the scary man as well, though it looked like an awkward moment; Dudley had the impression that they didn't do this very often.

"She was a brilliant woman, your mother. She really has been this maternal since we were kids. She's been waiting for you since she was 10. She named her cat 'Harry' and tried to name my first owl that as well. She adored the name to say the least. I think she may stop by some time tonight, she seems to enjoy alot of late night chats with Walpurgis Black.." He had an evil smirk on his face, as Harry's godfather and the Twin snickered.

"Walpurgis Black..? What... Oh Merlin's Pants. You're kidding me? _She watches me sleep?_ Your kidding? Well, I'll have a word with her about _that_. 18 years old, not 18 months..." Harry was groaning as everyone else laughed. 'Well it's good he finally has some one to look in on him now. I know hes always wanted that.' Dudley thought as he slid from the room, not wanting to disturb his cousin in a state so contented.


	5. Merlin and Chocolate

'I wonder if it was all a dream; if I'll wake up and be 11 years old again and Harry won't go to Wizard school, and we won't be in danger, and we wouldn't have to move. Life would make more sense like that. Too bad I know it isn't, or at least the dream isn't over yet.' Dudley thought as he lay in his bed after his first night at Grimmauld Place. He was only half hoping it was true, because he knew that things were better this way, everything he had always wondered about his cousin's life and all the questions he could think of were explained away. As he slipped out of bed, and down the hall in hopes of making it to the bathroom without meeting the snake Harry had warned them about. As soon as stepped out of the bathroom he heard a crash and scream from downstairs and ran to the source of the commotion, not knowing what he would do if he met some of the evil wizards that they were being protected form.

He was quite surprised when he made it to the basement kitchen, he saw Harry, a girl with bushy brown hair practically attacking a boy with bright red hair and a couple the looked to be the girls parents, looking slightly ill and modest. He also noticed that the boy and girl seemed to have then same weary, broken look about them that Harry had. They were injured as well, but they didn't look nearly as bad as Harry did. 'That's Harry's friend, the twin's brother, Ron Weasley. That must be the girl he was friends with, Harmony or something. She's gorgeous,' Dudley thought, amused. After looking again he thought sadly 'but they'd all look better if they didn't look three times their age.' The girl had now broken away from Ron, to throw her arms around Harry's neck, who looked extremely tired and had been making awkward small talk with the older couple, and playfully tried to push her off, as Ron led the couple to a room where they could get some much needed rest.

"Oi, gerroff me, Hermione. You'd think I haven't seen you in centuries. It's only been two weeks. How was Australia? Did you find them alright? Did you manage to break the memory charm okay, no lasting damage?" Harry started firing off questions once the girl broke free and caught her breath a bit. 'Hermione, that's her name. If I remember everyone correctly she some sort of genius. Cares a lot about Harry, but fancies the ginger. Wonder if these ones hate me as much as all the other wizards do?' Dudley wondered. He was still nervous when meeting new witches and wizards, but not because of their magic; it seemed every time he met a new one, he was yelled at for treating Harry horribly over the years.

"Australia was brilliant! I bought some really valuable books before I finally found them. I found a wizarding commmunity and they had a book store, Walaby's Run and it was fabulous! I didn't put a lot into the memory charm, because the stronger it is the harder it is to remove and the harder it is to remove, the more damage it can cause. They filled in a lot of details by themselves, but luckily they mainly stayed along their original memories. Once I found them they tried to call the police but I stunned them while they were on the phone. The operator sounded suspicious but I managed to convince her that everything was fine. Once I broke the memory charm my mom was furious, because the last thing she remembered was me mentioning something about running off to fight a war for a while. I didn't really give them time to try and convince me otherwise, because then I thought I wouldn't have the guts to do it. The first thing she said was that in no uncertain terms, was I to go off and fight in any war when I was only 17. She actually started to rant on a bit and I think the look on my face gave me away. She was just like 'you've already done it haven't you?' and there were tears streaming down my face, I was trying so hard not to laugh. I just nodded; I mean the things she was saying! It was dead on. I mean the whole you could die, or be captured, or go to prison, or get seriously injured. I was ready to burst. She was pretty furious when she found out that she missed a year of her life. She was happy that she didn't have to spend that year worrying about me, though." Hermione said with a huge smile on her face. Harry laughed at her and started to pour her a cup of tea.

"Kreacher! Can you start breakfast, the Granger's are here now, so is Ron. The rest of the Weasleys won't be here until some time before lunch so you don't have to worry about them. Bacon, Eggs, Kippers, Pancakes and I dunno, breakfast-y foods alright?"

"Yes master, of course. Good morning Miss Hermione, Kreacher is taking your coat, Miss. Would Master like Kreacher to bring your muggle relatives their meals? Kreacher could put poison in the muggle's tea, he is being happy to. Kreacher lives to serve the noble Harry Potter, defender of house-elves and vanquisher of the Dark Lord." Said Kreacher, with a toothy grin. He had a look of admiration on his face, and Harry and Hermione chuckled.

"Erm, no Kreacher, its alright. They can live for now. But I'll tell you if they start to annoy me." Then the elf disappeared with a loud crack and Harry turned around to face Hermione again, and spotted Dudley lurking in the shadows of the kitchen looking absolutely terrified. 'I knew he hated us, but poison?' He thought grimly.

"Oh, uh, hi Dudley. I was just kidding about the poisoning . Kreacher's a little bit over enthusiastic. He used to getting orders like that so I just try and keep it as normal as possible for him without sending him off to kill the neighbors." Harry said laughing. As he turned to Hermione he added, "He's brilliant though. Amazing chef, dedicated housekeeper. He even talked to the portrait of Mrs. Black! I used to think Mrs. Black used to be horrible, telling everyone off like she did. Then I told Kreacher to tell her everything, about Regulas, Sirius, Voldemort and the horcruxes and it made everything better. I even had him tell her about how Bellatrix had been the one to kill Sirius after all that, even when she knew the truth and now she hates her. She apologized to Sirius and Fred and pretty much every Order member she's seen since. She's actually kind of sweet now. She's even told me how to take down some of the less desirable items out of the house."

"Well as long as he doesn't actually poison us. I'm mean hitting us with a fry pan is one thing, but _poisoning_ us is, umm…" Dudley trailed off as the dingy little basement kitchen window popped open.

Harry looked up as 11 or 12 owls flew into the house with various items packages and letters attached to them. Dudley was immensely fascinated by this. Harry started to read one of the letters while Hermione paid an owl carrying a newspaper, and read the front page happily.

"Ahh, excellent. Voldemort was burned this morning. They're vanishing his ashes later. The rest of the Death Eaters await the same fate, people just don't seem to want to be around that much evil for that long. Brilliant. Harry, I wonder how long before the award you an Order of Merlin? I give them less than a week." As she laughed knowingly, Ron walked in and sat down in between Harry and Hermione.

"Hermione, did you umm… tell your parents about..." He trailed off as she smiled sheepishly at him.

"Well I sort of told them that I found some one, I just didn't say who exactly. I know they'll understand it, they've been hinting at it for years. I mean I was at your house every summer. Between me talking about you and Harry, I'm surprised they figured out I actually went to classes at Hogwarts. I'm sure they know its one of you." Hermione blushed as Ron's ears turned red and he opened his mouth angrily to say something that he'd probably regret; Harry cut him off, foreseeing the danger.

"Hermione I'm sure your parents know its Ron, I mean everyone was waiting for you and Ron to get it figured out for a long time before you actually did. Kind of like me and—" Harry blushed, as if he had said a lot more than he planned. Hermione beamed and Ron looked at him appraisingly but he quickly changed the subject before they could begun to question him. "Hermione you were almost right. I got letters here for all three of us. Mine says that I've been awarded the Order of Merlin, First Class, to be presented to me by Kingsley in a few weeks. How about you lot?" Harry said airily as Ron and Hermione practically dived for their scrolls. Hermione tapped her wand on her scroll, and nearly ripped the parchment in two as she scanned it; Ron's hands were trembling so bad he had to try three times before he managed to tap his wand on his scroll and opened it very slowly. The all at once Hermione squealed and Ron started to laugh.

"Order of Merlin, Second Class! Oh my goodness! I have to go and wake my parents! This is something they'll understand! Oh my!" Hermione was screaming as she bounded our the room to go find her parents. Ron had a pale, shaky smile on his face.

"Second Class, just like Hermione. This is brilliant. I thought if you got First Class we'd be getting a slap on the back. I mean you were bloody brilliant that night. No this whole year. I mean who the ruddy hell else could have pulled this off but you? I think I should fire call my mum. No doubt she'll skin me alive when she finds out that I've known for more than 3 minutes without attempting to call her. Where's your floo powder? Actually maybe, I'll owl her. Make sure that the owl gets there before she leaves, but until after breakfast sp she doesn't ambush me here." After regaining some of his composure and shaking his head a bit as if he was sleeping, he got up and walked out of the room.

"Umm, Harry? What's an Order of Merlin?" Dudley asked sheepishly. He wanted to remind his cousin that he was there, as they seemed to have forgotten about him when the mail came.

"Oh it's like a Nobel Prize, for wizards. Pretty prestigious, but I'm not fussed. I always kind of thought I'd get one. That sounds horribly conceited but its not really. You probably don't realize this but I'm pretty much worshipped in the wizarding world. It's a bit stupid really. When I first got to school I couldn't even remember the night my parents died! And yet I was treated as if I was a king. Everything I did, no matter how good, or bad, was exaggerated by about 100 times. So this isn't as big a shock for me as it is for Ron and Hermione." He smiled thoughtfully as he set his letter down and began to go through the rest of the mail. He opened a letter and a few photographs fell out and he picked them up. His eyes began to water as he looked at them.

"This is my godson. His dad was one of my dad's best friends. His parents died in the battle, quite sad really. He's younger than I was when I became an orphan. Name's Teddy. Take a look." Harry handed Dudley the photos as he wiped his eyes. Dudley looked down and was surprised when the boy in the pictures was laughing his head off trying to grab the camera from whoever was holding it. The most shocking part of the photo wasn't the fact that it move, but the boys lime green hair. As he watched it, it slowly turned bright blue. He was about to ask Harry who they boy's parents were when Harry burst out laughing.

"OI! Ron, Hermione! Get down here now!" He said as soon as he caught his breath enough, only to glance at the letter and fall into fits of laugher again. By the time his friends had reached the kitchen, there were tears running down his face and he was rolling on the kitchen floor.

"Harry, mate are you alright? You've gone barmy, you stupid prat. What are you laughing at you git?" Ron was looking at Harry with an amused look on his face, when Hermione collapsed on to the nearest chair into fits of giggles; clutching her stomach in one hand and the letter in another. Ron looked utterly flabbergasted, and snatched the letter out of her hand.

"What the hell is going on… Dear Mr. Potter, Miss Granger and Mr. Weasley... We hope to find you well.. are proud to represent each of you with you own chocolate frog card.. Guys this is great and all but it's not _that_ funny." Said Ron indignantly.

"Keep.. Keep reading, Ron. You'll get there." Panted Harry, in between fits of laughter.

"'Stay immortal… Blah, Blah.. only the best and brightest.. The late Albus Dumbledore said he would give up his spot on the Wizengamut, Order of Merlin, First Class, and shave his head and beard before he gave up his Chocolate Frog card.' I_ told you that one was mental!_" Ron finished reading in a cracked voice, as he tried unsuccessfully not to laugh. After the three of them got over there giggle fest they sat up and looked at each other.

"Dumbledore was the most mental genius I'd ever met." Gasped Ron, as he struggled for breath.

"Wait until I tell him. I wonder if Phineas or Professor Snape is here.. I'm going to go check; I want some one to send Dumbledore over. Oh he'll laugh at this." Harry had an entirely new demeanor. He didn't look so haunted now, and he wasn't so pale. His eyes seemed to twinkle with boyish amusement. The rosy glow that had appeared on his cheeks even made his injuries fade quite a bit. He looked healthier and happier than Dudley could ever remember seeing him. As Harry left, Dudley looked at the other two and noticed that they seemed to have undergone the same transformation. They looked years younger then when they had arrived. 'The old saying is true then. Laughter really is medicine for the soul' Dudley thought as he watched the two pore over the letters that had caused them so much joy that morning.


	6. Parties With Wrackspurts

"Harry, Ron, Hermione, each of us has been given a great honor. None higher in fact. This will ensure that if some desolate part of our world remains ignorant of the war we just faced, they will know of you three. This will boost your fame to infamy; and quite possibly boost my own fame a notch. After all, who can resist chocolate frogs? Children everywhere will be clambering to trade their Dumbledore's for the Great Harry Potter!" Dumbledore exclaimed after Harry, Ron and Hermione had pieced together the morning post events.

"I seriously doubt that you'll go out of style sir, but it is prestigious. I'm now a Class 'A' tradable magical item." Said Harry, smiling at Dumbledore's modesty.

"I am so proud of you Harry, this past year you preformed admirably under dire circumstances. You conquered feats most thought impossible, and most of all, you completed the task that I, myself, had been struggling with for many years before my death. You truly are the better man Harry." Said Dumbledore, tears shining in his eyes.

"Oh, knock it off professor. You know your being daft; you accomplished things that I couldn't even begin comprehend. You know spells I can't even pronounce! I just have a saving-people-thing, most people think I'm a nutter, remember?" Harry said playfully. 'Maybe this old bloke really is as mental as Ron said. I mean, he's going on about frogs made of chocolate, wars and famous people.'

"You and I know that you sanity is indeed intact, more so than most of the wizarding population. But alas, it is half past 9, I must be getting to the trustees tea at Hogwarts. Minerva said that the trustees insisted I be present to offer my _advice_ on how to run the school. Please, try the lemon drops I has Filius send you, they are absolutely delightful!" He finished, eyes twinkling. Dudley got the feeling that he found it funny that these trustees were asking for his help.

"Barmy old codger" Ron muttered under his breath, while helping himself to the aforementioned sherbet lemons as they left the library. Hermione, however, was not impressed by his revelations.

"_Ron! You do not speak ill of the dead!_" She hissed, scowling.

"That must be some muggle rubbish. In the wizarding world, you mourn the dead until they have a portrait. After that you can say what you like to them, because then they can defend themselves. Before that it's tacky." He said simply, as if Hermione should have known better.

"Oh I am so proud of you three! We have to celebrate, we'll invite the Order and Andromeda and Teddy and Augusta and Neville and Luna and all of your other little school friends for our happy little party! Oh it will be marvelous! Where's Kreacher, I must get the decorations and menu sorted out!" The older red headed woman, who Dudley assumed was Ron's mother, had nearly crushed the three of them in hugs as soon as she arrived, not noticing as they all winced in pain from the pressure on their many injuries. She seemed nice enough, though she shot Dudley a scathing look as soon as she stepped out of the fire place. He had been expecting nothing less from Ron's family, but it was a blow none the less. As several other red headed people stepped out of the fire, most turned to greet Harry; the only one who immediately slipped out of the kitchen was the only female child, and she hardly glanced at Harry before slipping away.

"Harry, I wanted your approval for some things Fred suggested for the shop. Another range of sweets, to use on your enemies. They only carry a mild hex or two apiece, but I've been charming then to stay on for at least a week. Mind I'll probably have to ask for houses before selling to Hogwarts students, wouldn't want the Slytherins to get a hold of these to be using on you lot because some of them are a right pain. My personal favorite is the Stinging Suckers, lollipops that make your bottom sting as if you just landed at twenty foot drop on it. Our testers were eating all meals standing up for 9 days! It was brilliant, just got to work out a few after effects. The Levitating Lovelies are only supposed to have you hoisted into the air a few times an house, but it was getting a bit ridicules, people hoisted into the air every other minute!"

"George, you're a genius. And you too Fred. I'd say that was a well spent 1000 galleons. Are Bill and Fleur coming along as well? Follow Ron if your hungry guys, he's about to eat me out of house and home. Nice pants Charlie, dragon hide? I guess they'd be pretty fire proof. Where did Ginny go, I just saw her come through!" Harry seemed disappointed when he realized that the girl had disappeared. He turned to Dudley with an annoyed look on his face

"And go tell your parents that if they want to eat, they will eat in the kitchen with the rest of us. I may have a servant but they will earn their keep while they're here. Maybe then they'll regret treating me like crap my whole life."

'This is possibly the most awkward dinner party I've ever been too. And I can't believe Mrs. Figg is one of _them! _ I never would have guessed. Mom seems terrified though, and if dad doesn't stop being so rude I think some one will find it in their hearts to turn him back into a hamster. Hestia seems to be watching him.' Dudley looked around skeptically. He had seen Fred's mum magic the table into becoming a lot longer for all the guests and he thought she made the room bigger as well. There were dozens of people, many of which he recognized as "Order Members" from his year in hiding. It was by far the weirdest party he'd ever been to. Parties were normally happy and pleasant, but this one was depressing. People were crying everywhere, and holding each other as they remembered their fallen friends.

"F-Fred. It's j-just so hard with o-out you!" Ginny sobbed. Her brother George seemed to be comforting her, even though there were tears running down his face as he nodded at his brother. Dudley shuddered as he turned to the girl sitting across from him. She was a pretty girl, with a radiant smile and long flowing blonde hair. She has a glazed look on her face, as if she hadn't a care in the world. She was the only one at that party who looked truly happy, and was obviously comfortable with herself if the decorations she had adorned for the party were any indication; she was wearing some twisted form of radishes for earrings, and a necklace strung with beer corks.

"Hi, I-I'm Dudley, Harry's cousin. Who are you?" He asked her. She looked surprised and he half expected her to yell at him.

"Oh you're Harry's cousin? You treated him horribly as a child, didn't you? I'm Luna Lovegood, by the way." She replied dreamily. She talked about his treatment of Harry as if she was describing the shape of a cloud in the sky, as if it was simply the way things were.

"Erm— yeah, we kinda made up over that. It was how I was raised. I know that's not an excuse or anything but uh… yeah." Dudley was unnerved by this girl. She was his parents idea of all magic folk, wearing radishes or earrings and corks for a necklace, but she seemed nice none the less.

"Wrackspurt got your brain?" she said sympathetically. "They love parties, annoying little blighters they are. I think they particularly liked on of my professors, every time I would try to talk to him about some rare potions ingredient or specimen he never seemed to know what to say. I mean _everyone _knows the Crumple Horned Snorkack feathers cure werewolves! You'd think he'd be interested in finding them!" she said incredulously, as the greasy haired, hook nosed, scowling man snorted in the background. Dudley had a feeling that that was the teacher she was talking about. He decided that she was an oddball even by magical standards, judging by the looks all the other guests seemed to be giving her.

After leaving his seat he began to wander around. 'I'll just go get another one of these wonderful butter beers, they're wonderful. Oh— damn, now I've got wine on my shirt.' After bursting into tears while talking to a portrait, a breath-takingly beautiful girl had flung her arms around one of Ron's brother's necks (he assumed it was Ron's brother because he seemed to be related to every red haired person in London at the moment) and the contents of her wine glass had landed on Dudley's shirt. She began to apologize profusely in a thick French accent, but he assured her it was alright and headed off to change.

As Dudley wandered the halls of the huge house, he heard soft voices talking in the library. Dudley tip-toed up to the door, using the sneaking skilled he acquired while in hiding, and peered through the crack. As soon as he realized what he was spying, he regretted it.

It was Harry, sitting on a chair next to a large portrait. In the portrait were three very sad looking people; Dumbledore, who Dudley had met two year previously; Remus Lupin, who had stopped by occasionally when he was in hiding. The third person was a woman, who looked no older than twenty five, with bubblegum pink hair. Harry was holding a baby, presumably his god son judging by his fire engine red hair. He heard Harry talking softly, but had to strain to hear exactly what he was saying.

"…and you should see him chase after the butterflies, he loves them. His accidental magic was acting up the other day and he made one grow to be about a foot and a half long! It was brilliant. He definitely got a bit of both of you. He the spitting image of you, Tonks, when he metamorphoses. Same silly look of concentration. Cracks me up, it does. But he has your eyes, Remus. Definitely your eyes and I think your smile too. But that could be a mixture of the both of you…" Harry was saying softly, as he rocked the baby in his arms. Dudley could see the tears running down his face. 'Ahhhh, those are his parents. The ones who died in the battle. At least he will still be able to talk to them as he grows up, won't be as cut off as Harry.' Dudley thought solemnly.

"I'm sad that he won't have me to grow up with, and I won't have him to raise, but you Harry are the best thing for him now. He needs some one to look up to, like you haven't had in your life. You've got more than a bit of your father in you, and he is in your generation of Marauder, you know. Teach him how to raise a little hell and catch the pretty girls. I would be eternally grateful if you could help him like I never had the chance to help you." Said Remus softly. The baby was sleeping now and his mother was crying as she looked down on her son.

"I-I just _hate_ how I'll never know him! He was my baby! My Teddy Bear! _Oh, Remus!_" she said as she flung her arms around his neck and cried harder. Even though they were painted on, you could see the love and sadness etched in every line in his face. Dumbledore lifted his dreary head to speak.

"There, there, Nymphadora. Erm— Tonks," he added, after the deadly glare she gave him. 'I take it she doesn't like her given name.' He thought with a smile. "Teddy will know you and Remus as Harry never knew Lily and James. Though it is small consolation for the loss the three of you have sustained, he can still come to your portraits if he wants to. And once Harry and Andromeda begin to tell him about his heroic parents and their extraordinary lives, there can be no doubt as to his eagerness to get to know you in the best way he can. Now Harry, I believe this is your party, and I expect you to go enjoy yourself. Hiding with your god son will not help you. You must accept your losses, and grow from them. I'm sure Tonks and Remus will gladly watch over Teddy as he sleeps, leaving you free to go _enjoy yourself"_ Dumbledore said with a stern look. Harry wiped his tears and cracked a grin.

"Well I know an order when I hear one. I suppose it is kind of bad to leave in a party that's being thrown partly in my honor. But you all should stop by later, people want to see you too. After all we're all mourning you lot." He said with the same watery smile.

"We will, as soon as Dora stares Teddy down a bit as he sleeps I'm sure we'll make it. Go have fun now Harry." Said Remus gently, waving his hand in a shooing motion. Harry gently picked Teddy up and walked towards the door, and Dudley had just enough time to slink off into the shadows before Harry made it to the hallway and headed up to the nursery.

'This must be so hard for all of them. Half of the people they know have died. That little boy is an orphan, and Harry is more alone than ever. It seems like every person who ever could even begin to act like his parent had died on him. They probably feel the same as me when me and Harry were attacked by those Dementors. This is horrible. Maybe if I give them some chocolate it will help. That could definitely work. I think I'll try it.' Dudley thought, and tottered off to get some of the chocolate frogs that Dedulas had given him.


	7. Liquid Confidence

**_(A/N: Alrighty Folks, I'm so terribly sorry for the wait, I've had this done for a week, I just somepletely forgotabout it until I got a favourite story alert for this one! Beat me to a pulp, I'd definitely deserve it. its even loooooooong so it kinda makes up for the wait, something like 4500 words. and I really dont know where to take this story form here so I'd appreciate some feedback and any ideas on what to do with it or if I should wrap it up. lemme know kiddies! Next chapter will be out as soon as I figure out where this is gogin, no later than two week! Happy Halloween everybody!) _**

As Dudley searched his room for some of his wizard's chocolate, he found he had very little left. 'Ahh well, it's for a good cause. And maybe I can convince Harry to get me more if I give him money. Who ever started Honeyduke's was a bloody genius!' Dudley thought as he pulled the last two slabs out of his duffel bag. He could practically hear his stomach telling him not to part with the magical chocolate but his head and heart were definitely louder.

As he made his way down to the basement he started to get a little bit nervous. Since he had arrived Harry had barely been able to hold a conversation with him, though not for lack of trying. The past 24 hours had been full of awkward moments where neither knew what to say or do. The weather and Manchester United's place in the league had been under much fragmented discussion, but even before he knew he was a wizard, Harry had never had much love for the game of foot ball; he was too small to be any match against the other boys, and Dudley would have rather gotten the stomach flu than let him play.

He walked in and immediately began searching for Harry. He was relieved to find him alone, but he was eyeing one of the Weasleys, the only daughter. She was gorgeous, and was sitting on a couch swirling her drink as she pointedly stared at the floor. He walked up to Harry and tapped him shoulder, almost losing his nerve when Harry nearly jumped out of his skin.

"Blimey, Dudley! Don't sneak up on me like that!" He said exasperatedly, looking back at the girl. "What can I do for you, Big D?" he added, turning to face him once again. Dudley could feel his courage slowly melting away, and quickly thrust the chocolate into his hands, mumbling incoherently.

"What did you say? And what's with the chocolate? Hey this is wizard's chocolate, where'd you get that? I thought Honeyduke's was raided?" he said, thoroughly confused. Neither of them had noticed that the room had quieted considerably, and most of the occupants were looking at them. Dudley took a deep breath whilst contemplating on how to explain his sentiments and then began to speak.

"I remember when we got attacked by those Dementor things a couple summers ago. Afterwards I felt horrible, like I could never be happy. All I could think about was how much I hated things, and how the world was such a horrible place and that I'd never be happy again. Then you gave me that chocolate, and it was like being born again. I figure that's probably how you're feeling now. Like you'll never be happy cause you lost all those people and how horrible your life has been. So I thought maybe wizard's chocolate was magicked to make you feel better, and it was worth a try. That's the last of what Dedulas bought me when we were in hiding. " He finished, with a weak smile. Harry's face showed a mixture of astonishment, happiness and some ill-disguised laughter. Dudley could feel his cheeks turning red and just as he was about to turn and run out of the room Harry grinned even wider.

"That's some serious logic, Dudley, and really nice of you. I think that's a combination of Honeyduke's chocolate and a few bottles of Ogden's finest ought to cheer us all up a bit." He put the chocolate on the table and pointed his wand at it, muttering something under his breath. Dudley's jaw dropped as the chocolate grew, and grew until it was about three feet long, two feet wide and several inches thick. The he waved his wand lazily and a dozen bottles zoomed from all directions and settled them on the table next top the chocolate. He kept talking and waving his wand at the bottles, and seemed satisfied after they developed a faint gold aura.

"It's Firewhiskey, it's excellent. Now they'll refill themselves when you empty them." He said, noticing the look of confusion on Dudley's face. "Alright everyone grab a glass and some Firewhiskey, and make sure you grab some chocolate! We all miss Honeyduke's dearly, and this is probably the last of their chocolate we'll have for a long time." He said, conjuring a large glass then filling it with the drink and handing it to Dudley. After he got his own glass he took a large swing and laughed. Dudley sniffed it and took a large gulp. It burned and he almost choked on it. He never drank much hard liquor, at all the parties he'd been to he'd only ever drank beer.

Everyone around him began laughing and drinking and dancing. The mood of the room had lightened immensely; no one was crying anymore, and everyone seemed to be remembering the good times. Fred and George were telling jokes to some younger people as Harry's Godfather and Remus Lupin seemed to be talking animatedly to an older woman and a very short man, who were introduced to Dudley as more of Harry's teachers, Minerva McGonagall and Filius Flitwick.

"Thanks, Dudley. I think everyone needed that. I know I sure did. A few more of these and I might be able to win back the love of my life." He said in a light voice, nodding at the redhead from earlier. "Some liquid confidence is exactly what I need. And if that doesn't work, I bloody well don't know what will. So how do you like my house so far?"

"It's brilliant. Mum and Dad are absolutely terrified of it. They said that your elf ran at them with a frying pan for 'no apparent reason'. I heard what they were saying though, _'This lot, not a normal person among them. A bunch of ruddy nutters! And that demon child, he had blue hair this morning! Now it's red! Petunia, we're best not to associate with them any more than necessary.' 'Oh yes Vernon, evil freaks they are. And I still can't get the picture off of the wall. Probably used his abnormality to make sure that all the people in the pictures could come in to yell at us in the middle of the bloody night! I knew that Potter was trouble when I my sister brought him home, now his son is just as corrupted!'"_ Dudley said, mocking his parents. That had done it for it; he had lost every ounce of respect he had for them, and his flimsy belief— that they were just afraid of what they didn't understand— was crushed. Once they got back home, he was planning on moving out.

'Harry took us into his home, out of the ACTUAL goodness of his ACTUAL heart, and is letting us stay here until the house is ready, and he had those people protect us for an entire year, free of charge and all mum and dad can do is bloody well complain. Well I'm sick and tired of it.' He thought bitterly.

"Would it be too much to ask to turn them both into Hamsters until we get home? I think it would be easier got everyone. They're driving me bloody well insane. They're so ungrateful for everything you've done for us!" He said in an exasperated voice. Harry downed his third large Firewhiskey and grinned.

"That could definitely be arranged. That's the morale booster we all need! I think I'll make a spectacle of this." He said, with a mischievous look in his eyes. "_Sonorus. _Can I please have everyone's attention?" he said, in a magically magnified voice "Will Vernon and Petunia Dursley please come to here!" He said, and watched as they slowly came from the corner they were sitting in, with terrified looks on their faces. Harry looked at them with an evil glint in his eyes and a look of disgust on his face.

"Kreacher told me he over heard a rather interesting conversation that you two were having. Something about us being a ruddy bunch of nutters, my godson being a demon child because of his _hair color, _more about us being evil freaks and how I've made sure you can't get the picture off the wall so that people can go in and yell at you in the middle of the night? And then something about my father being nothing but trouble, and me being exactly alike?" He said, having little success in hiding the smirk on his face. "I must say, I thought you'd understood when I told you to act appropriately. And I know Hestia told you to act nicely. I know your stupid, but I recall you being able to act civilly, or can you only pull that off for _normal_ people? Well I think we've found a nice solution. _Rodencilius!" _

Dudley blinked and looked down, and to his amusement, he saw his parents scurried around on the floor as extremely ugly hamsters. The entire room roared with laugher, many people doubling over with tears streaming down their faces. Dudley looked over and saw the portrait over the mantel place had been filled with (presumably) Harry's Parents and who seemed to find it wholly amusing. His mother was laughing and pointing, and his father seemed to be screaming something unintelligible over crowd. Even the greasy haired, hook nosed man was laughing his head off, and it looked strangely unnatural. After about five minutes, everyone was wiping there eyes, and some one conjured a cage for them, and made it float in the middle of the room.

"_Harry James Potter! Did you just turn my sister and her husband into Hamsters?" _Said a shrill voice that made Harry and everyone else in the room freeze, some smiling because they saw her reaction, others with wide eyes because they thought Harry was going to get told off. He quickly whirled around to face his mother's portrait and put a shy smile on his face.

"I might have, but I've been drinking and can't be held accountable for my actions. Besides, the stupid prats deserved it. They've managed to insult every person I've ever been close to." He said in defiance, with a trace of fear in his voice. His mother looked fierce when she broke into a smile and began to laugh again.

"I thought it was brilliant! I've wanted to do that for years! How do you like magic now, Tuney?" She asked, looking at the smaller of the two hamsters. Everyone began to laugh again and a Weasley came out of the crowd to talk to Harry.

"Harry, mate," said the twin that was still alive. "That was possibly the most brilliant thing I have ever seen, and I was raised with _Fred!_ What made you do it?" he asked, wiping the tears that were streaming down his face from laughing so hard.

"Dudley asked me to. But I've wanted to do something like that to them for years, George. I think this will teach them a lesson in courtesy towards wizards." He said with a grin on his face as many people came up to smack him on the back and tell him how brilliant he was.

"Harry, I know you hated your muggle relatives but do you realize that you just broke one of the biggest wizarding laws in front of god knows how many Aurors? Do you have any idea of how much trouble you could be in right now?" asked an exasperated Hermione. Harry laughed, as did several other people.

"'Mione, I know that normally the ministry would throw me in Azkaban for something like this, but I'm the bloody Chosen One. They can cut me some slack after the hell they put me through the past few years. Besides, do you think Minister Shacklebolt would throw me in jail for this? He's _met _the Dursleys, he'd probably wholeheartedly agree. I'm Harry Bloody Potter, I can do no wrong, remember? That is I can do no wrong unless they say so in which case everything I do is wrong and I'm an attention seeking prat who's lost his gob stones. Right now I'm betting on the former, since as Peeves put it 'Voldie's gone Moldy and Wee Potter's the One!'" He said laughing. That seemed to quiet anyone's fears of him getting into trouble. Dudley was scared when they'd said he could go to jail for turning his parents into Hamsters but relaxed when he heard Harry's logic.

Harry poured himself another tall glass of Firewhiskey as he started to look for the redhead girl again. He was distracted by Ron walking up to him and telling him a joke about a troll, a hag, and a banshee and asking him what they all had in common with some person named Umbridge. Harry, George, and Hermione along with a few bystanders found extremely funny. Ron grabbed the Firewhiskey and topped him and Harry's glasses up while toasting 'The old bag's early death' and downing their drinks.

"I'd like to know how she got away form the centaurs, myself. If I remember correctly, they were bloody furious with her! I thought Bane was going to _kill_ her! Too bad he didn't. Muggleborn Registration Committee my arse." Hermione said, sipping her own drink. Harry slammed an empty glass down on the table and looked up with a huge smile on his very flushed face.

"Well, I'm right pissed. I'm going to get my Ginny back. Wish me luck!" said Harry, with a slight slur to his words as he wobbled off into the crowd. Ron made to stop him but was held by Hermione and George.

"It's what they both want, Ickle Ronnikins. You've got your Hermione and Harry wants his Ginny back. Let him have her." Said George as Hermione and Ron blushed furiously and looked away from each other.

"He did mention something about the Firewhiskey being 'liquid confidence' earlier." Said Dudley with a smile. He looked around, trying to see if Harry had found 'His Ginny'.

Harry was looking around for a few minutes until he saw her, standing in the middle of the room with one of her brothers who seemed oblivious to the fact that she wasn't listening to a word he was saying. She had a sad, vacant look on her face, as she stared at the wall. Harry was making his way over to her with a determined look on his face, but she didn't seem to notice him until he had one hand around her waist, and on the back of her had and was pulling her into a kiss. She dropped her drink and the room fell silent as she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him back with obvious enthusiasm. Everyone stared for about tens seconds before Fred, James, and Sirius' portraits started yelling and wolf whistling.

"That's m'boy! _All Potters fall for redheads!_ I've been saying that for years!" Cried James with glee.

"That's my god son! Got himself a pretty girl!" Sirius was yelling as he laughed at the young couple.

"Oi! Harry, that's enough, get off my sister! You'll be getting a Weasley Talk, you will!" Said Fred, as he laughed. Harry and Ginny seemed to realize that everyone was watching them and broke apart with identical embarrassed grins on their faces, and he held her hand. Hermione was beaming, and surprisingly all of the Weasleys seemed happy for them. Harry's own parents seemed proud of him, especially his father, who was still shouting something about all Potter men falling for redheads.

Everyone seemed to go back to their own conversations and no one but Dudley seemed to notice Harry and Ginny slipping out of the room with mischievous looks on their faces. 'Harry James Potter, I never thought you were a ladies man.' Dudley thought happily as he turned to start talking to his neighbor, Mrs. Figg.

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Breakfast was a much more subdued affair than usual, due to the massive hangovers many people were nursing. The house was beyond full, as many guests had had a bit too much to drink and between Hermione and Mrs. Weasely, they had been forced to stay the night in one of the houses many guest rooms.

"You should _never, ever, ever_ apparate after drinking. It's all about deliberation, destination and determination! No one can concentrate on all that when they're pissed! This is how people splinch themselves! When you're sober it's bloody difficult enough!" Hermione was saying to everyone who grumbled about being forced to stay over against their will.

Mrs. Weasley was busy over a cauldron making a massive batch of hangover cure that couldn't come fast enough. They decided on not waking anymore guests until it was ready, because the ones who up were in considerable agony.

"Mum, add a bit of ginger root, and some pickled newt's eyes. They get rid of the dizziness faster than anything I've ever tried. And some grated pepper root. It's the active ingredient in Pepper Up Potion, gives it a milder version of the energy burst." George was saying. He was right as rain, and Dudley suspected he had a secret stash of that particular potion. 'It'd be nice if he would share, the git.' 

"And why would _you_ be needing a hangover potion in the first place, young man?" she said sharply, glaring at him briefly while adding his prescribed ingredients.

"Relax mum, I'm not some alcoholic. They drink alone, I've got Fred's portrait in my room to keep me company!" He said laughing, stopping when she looked up in alarm. "I'm kidding mum, don't worry. Fred and I had developed this kind of liquor that made you sing everything that you were feeling. Like if you were feeling like you were in love, you'd probably sing something like '_Cauldron Full of Strong, Hot Love_ by Christina Warbeck'. It lasts about an hour per shot, or until you go to sleep, but the hangover was horrible. Regular remedies just didn't seem to cut it so we, of course, developed our own. Works like a charm." He said, breathing easier now that he didn't have to feel his mother's wrath.

"You had better not be selling that to school children. If I find out—"

"_Relax_, mum. I've struck a deal with McGonagall. She has Filch lift the blanket ban on all Weasley's creations, and in turn she rates all of our products herself, deciding which ones we should be allowed to sell to Hogwarts kids and which ones we can't. There are already a few exceptions, like Skiving Snackboxes and Patented DayDream Charms, because no teacher will ever approve of those, but they are huge sellers. So I'll put a notice saying that Hogwarts 'does not condone their use'. Then the stuff she actually doesn't want to see in Hogwarts will most likely not make it there, because I will keep my word, and the stuff that's harmless, or close enough to it can get by Filch. Her and Flitwick are helping me develop some sort of charm we can put on the Owl Order form, so that we can make sure they just don't try to get it owled to them if they can't get it in the shop. We want it to be something like you touch your wand to it and then if you are of age, then it will allow you to order the stuff, and if not, then it'll burn up in your hand. She was actually quite proud last night though, said no other joke company had ever had a blanket ban, even with Filch as the caretaker."

"Well I am _very _pleased to see you are starting to see things from a more mature point of view. That was a wonderful idea, striking a deal with you. Minerva always has been—"

"Actually that was _my_ idea." He said, annyed at her assumption. "It's bad for business if our biggest age group isn't allowed to have our stuff at school. Parents are getting reluctant in buying their kids Weasley products because they assume if it's banned at Hogwarts, then it must be dangerous. And it's not doing McGonagall any good either if most of them are just sneaking in all of it, with absolutely no restrictions. She thought it was a great idea, and was trying to figure out a way to accommodate me. Said she saw some of the damage our products can cause if the user is so inclined and would rather that this school year be less eventful than the last few." George said with an evil glint in his eye. Everyone laughed and Ron started muttering something about 'bloody brilliant fire works'.

"Well I'm very proud of you! Alright you lot, get ready to go to St. Mungo's, your appointment is in two hours." She said, indicating Harry, Ron and Hermione.

"But _mum_, we don't need a check up! We're fine, cant you see that! We may not have eaten as much as we would have liked this year and got a few nasty cuts but we don't need a Healer's appointment. It's probably still full of war victims, they'll be sorting that out for weeks!" wailed Ron.

"Nonsense. You lot have scores of ailments. Malnutrition is at the top of that list. How you managed to survive a year without an all-you-can eat buffet is beyond me, Ronald Weasely. Hermione told me that you frequently had days in between meals! And I want to be sure that those dreadful Horcruxes didn't harm you in anyway. I also heard you splinched yourself after that stunt you pulled at the ministry! I want to make sure it's all healed up properly. Healer O'Dea is a busy woman, and we've made an appointment and you will be there or you will regret it." she spat.

"She's right Ron. I know we couldn't help it but we took horrible care of ourselves this year. Not eating or sleeping properly, not having our wounds healed, sleeping outside all winter, and the like. And we know the Horcrux affected us deeply when we were wearing it, so it might have altered our minds or something. It's better to be safe then sorry. And I have to go see if I have any nerve damage form my little torture session with Bellatrix. I'm still twitching and I get tremors all the time." Hermione said, clasping her hands in her lap, embarassed.

"And you never told us? I thought Fleur was just being cautious when she said to take you to St Mungo's! That's it, we're going. Harry grab Hermione's cloak." Ron said, glaring at Hermione.

"Don't look at me like that! You both know I couldn't have gone to St Mungo's; I was Undesirable No. 3 or something stupid like that. They knew I was with Harry and I had more important things to think bout then shaky hands. Fleur did the best she could." Hermione said forcefully. 'He's a tad bit over protective of her I think.' Dudley thought mildly. From his spot at the table he could see the tension building.

"Ron, calm down. She's right. What good would it have done us if we were all worried about our health all year? We never would have gotten this far. I'll grab our cloaks and we'll go. And stop being a bloody prat; she's going to St Mungo's now, that's all that matters. And keep your voice down, my head is aching." Harry said, rubbing his temples.

"Oh here Harry, dear! The potion is ready. Now I can trust you to make sure Ron get's checked out himself as well?" she said handing Harry a smoking glass filled with a watery yellow liquid, which he drank in two gulps. When steam started to pour out of his ears, Dudley jumped up in alarm.

**"**BLOODY HELL! Harry there's steam coming out of your ears!" He shouted. Harry grinning and shook his head experimentally; when he was pleased that the pain had gone he spoke.

"It's supposed to happen; there would have been much more if it was a Pepper Up Potion. Dudley, try to stay around some one you know while I'm gone. And don't let your parents out of their cage, they might try to chew something. Oh, and the snake-portrait, that guards the bathroom? It said you left something of yours in there. I assume it meant your wallet, but it said cow skin. It's behind the sink either way." Harry said, rising from the table.

"The snake speaks English? It only hisses at me." he said, curiously.

"I'm a Parseltongue, means I can talk to snakes. Remember your 11th birthday at the zoo? That was the first time I ever did. It's a really rare gift, I'm pretty sure I'm the only living person right now who can." He said chuckling.

"So you _did_ make it attack me! I always knew it! Not that I can blame you though." He added cautiously, not wanting to be rude.

"No, I just said you were a bloody prat, and asked it how it liked life at the zoo. I never meant to vanish the glass either. But it worked out alright." He said, with a reminiscent smile on his face.

"Yeah, _sure_ Harry. I believe you." Dudley said jokingly. It was turning out to be a pleasant morning, aside from the headache of his own he was nursing. He was afraid to take the potion they had cooked up, but seeing as no one else seemed worse for wear after ingesting it, he figured it couldn't be poisonous. With that thought, he took one of the many glasses of potion on the counter, and downed it. It didn't taste too good, but it spread a relief over his body so fast that had he not known better, he would have assumed that the hangover had never existed. He could feel the steam tickling his ears as it poured out, and felt more energized. 'I wish I was a wizard, life would be so much more interesting.' He thought happily, as he went to take a shower.


End file.
